I Can't #icant (spoken word poem)

Have you ever been as high as the sun? Like chased the fire

But the fire didn’t run?  You know like freeze, you’re IT fire…

But the fire didn’t freeze? Wanna hit this blunt?

I froze and got burnt like California trees. And California love feels like wildfire to me. So at 16
I'm feeling California free. Cause I been sitting around the fire with my sibblings
singing “because I got high” Though we forgot the chorus. And forgot
what DARE stands for, so of course we forgot our chores. Little sister
speaks  ageless wisdom from behind a fat swisher sweet
From the front porch to hot boxing in the bathroom and rolling on the floor laughing
in back room. Mommy must be back from work, I heard somebody say
I don't hear that vacuum. Now she's coming up the stairs. She hears our laughter, smells
her fears--automatic response was tears. She pokes her head in, her eyes pierce.
"It's just weed mom." sounds like something I might have said. But if I could said anything
you can bet it would be, I mean you can bet I would beg, you can bet I would plead, 

Please don’t give me that look.  Don’t make your eyes so hard,

Your lips so tight. Don’t make your nose wrinkled. Don’t

Make your tongue into a knife.

Like you don't know that suicide is high  
Under these cloudy skies and 

I was stuck on this block, with nothin but smoke and
Rain in my eyes before I decided to

To fly. I mean abondon my wings for the chance to see a 
Christian concept of Heaven fade and enter another stage,

where Kool-Aid and Doritos taste heaven made or

heaven sent to me. Or heaven sent for me like God said
Can somebody please go get Tiffanie?
Hear I come!

Oh don't give me that look.

I know you're lonley and you're vulnerable and you're scared. But this is not you're story.
This is not the scratchy voice of an aging alcoholic, yeah I drink but i'm saying 
you started at 8— 8am, 8 years old. You were 8 years old when you had your first sip.
Addicted by 11 and I was 7 when our home was raided by narcs. They put an AK 47 in my
baby brothers face. His daddy caught a case and they took us all away.
But these eyes have never shut all day 
just to tweak in the dark. And hese hands have never had the shakes or begged 
For meds from a hospital bed. This mouth has never lied 
about going to buy ice cream, and getting high instead.

So please before you shut that door... don’t make your eyes so hard, 
your lips so tight. Don’t make your nose wrinkled. 
Don’t make your tongue into a knife. Because  
it's not your fault, nor mine that

We share soil and blood and history but this..
This shit right here.
We can't share this.

Tiff Beatty

6/8/12

Thoughts?!?!